Friendship, Boarding passes, and Saying Yes

I could never have fathomed a couple of months ago, during one of the most stressful and anxiety-inducing summers of my life, I would wind up for a few days with a dear friend, hiking mountains, seeing shooting stars, sitting in a hot spring, visiting a chapel, crying at the beauty and mystery surrounding me, and learning how to feel safe again.  She invited me into her world, a different one than mine, but a place I needed to be to return to mine more whole.

I met this dear friend when we were sixteen at a summer camp out of state. Our friendship has spanned 12 years, high school graduations, weddings, children, and medical school (her). We’ve seen each other once every couple of years, send notes and care packages, and set up phone dates and face times. I called her to ask for prayer and ball my eyes out when I hit a breaking point this summer. Her response surprised me- you need to take a break, you need to get away and you need to let me help you.

It’s so hard to accept help as an adult. It’s so hard to maintain friendships as an adult, especially long distance and with different life circumstances. It takes intentionality and willingness to be open, honest, and to say “yes”. Yes, I need help. Yes, I’m overwhelmed, Yes, I’d love to come to stay with you/ come to see you.

It all started with saying “yes” and accepting a boarding pass. I did a big brave scary thing, at least for me, and asked for help, and accepted help in a big way. In my world, I normally steamroll through my exhaustion, burnout,  fatigue, and anxiety. Isn’t this what you do when you're an adult (What I was taught/chose to believe)? A mother? (Programmed/learned feelings of shame) Who has the time/energy/resources to take a break? (Societal conditioning).

Well, this summer, between home issues, parenting, school, work/internships, and health problems, I hit past my breaking point. In a beauty, sovereignty, and mystery I have yet to process, God and a dear friend got me on a flight in less than 24 hours ( a supportive spouse/partner and family to help with children, make all the difference and I recognize this is a privilege, not all have, I have not always had either). The last time I even flew out of state was almost 3 years ago. Travel is not a normal, regular part of my life, though I’ve always wanted it to be. 

It sounds drastic to say I found safety in my body again, by learning to control my breathing at a higher altitude, by having a friend whose in medical school, a licensed nurse/midwife practitioner teach me steps to healing and wholeness, learning about acupuncture mats for physical pain and anxiety, being able to stop and eat meals when I needed to, simple and profound things that have seemed far beyond my normal reach.

But sometimes our hearts need that spark of hope provided by a different environment or point of view, that things can be better than we have believed. Completely different from our worst-case scenarios. Sometimes it takes releasing your unspoken thoughts/feelings in a safe space with a trusted friend or therapist or counselor, to realize our realities are not always the emotions/thoughts/feelings that consume us. 

As adults, I think sometimes we forget the thrill, the gift, of having someone to share our lives with (sharing your life with your partner/children is a beautiful thing also) outside of our family circles. Someone who knew you before you were a mom, someone who watched you grow/struggle. Certain friendships have saved me in different seasons of life. It’s easier to hide when you struggling than it is to share your struggles.

But what a gift to bear each other’s burdens. I needed a place to recover, a place of quiet.- she was there for me. She’s told me she needs to be around family, well my messy loud home has been frequented during recent clinical visits. It’s been a git to offer to each other what we each have in this unique season of life, me - parenting and family, her- medical school and working as a traveling nurse, but both of us trying to live surrendered lives, loving people and healing and passionately pursuing our different callings but still a place to land for each other.

I learned to say “yes” this summer, to ask for and receive help, to feel safe again, lessons I hope and pray I do not easily forget and that I can bring others on a journey with me to learn over and over again. While the feeling and sense of being rescued may not always be evident in such a physical way, saying yes and asking for and receiving help can still lead to outcomes, experiences, and futures we never imagined for ourselves in the best and most beautiful ways.

*This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "With a Little Help".